Conspiracies       posted 04-18-2009
Crime      posted 04-25-2009

Archive Page 069

Meet the Characters


On the Subject of…Nuclear Proliferation

So I'll just come right out with it. North Korea, officially the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (read toe-tal-uh-tare-eee-uhn ree-zheem) just recently withdrew from talks about dismantling their nuclear arsenal. In what can only be described as a very American move they gave the middle finger to the rest of the world and said that they're going to do whatever the hell they want. And, in this case, what they want, what they really, really want is to rebuild their previously dismantled nuclear infrastructure and then go on to bolster their nuclear "defense" capabilities. See the CNN article here.

But look at this objectively...would we have done any differently? If you were sandwiched on a tiny peninsula just south of China and you were a relatively poor country and you knew that one day you could turn around and China would be standing in your home, would you not build an atomic bomb? I know that as a country we would have done the same thing because we haven't dismantled our own nuclear weapons cache. Nor do I think we should. Not when crazy is on sale out there and people are buying it with such gusto.

On the plus side, I'm starting a pool on which country will launch first. At first I was going to limit it to Iran, North Korea, Syria and Israel, but India and Pakistan both have them too and I've got a watchful eye on France, so I decided to include all nuclear arms possessing countries including the US, the UK, China and Russia. Place your bets now. Of course, in the event of worldwide nuclear war money will probably become worthless, but you can't put a price on being a winner.

It looks like somebody had better call the University of Chicago and ask for the board of directors of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists. They'll probably be wanting to set their clocks ahead for this...

Tick tock ,




On the Subject of…Birds

Birds. Let me tell you about birds. At work I have an office. Now usually I don't like to talk about work, mixing my business and personal life, however when it comes to birds I have to throw that old wisdom out the window. And that's the problem. The windows in my office are close – intimately close – to a bush containing a family of sparrows and at least one cardinal. They see in the mirrored reflection (a) another bush containing (b) another bird that (c) maybe, just maybe, if things go well, they can mate with. So, in their infinite bird wisdom, which has brought such brilliant ideas as “hey, a power line. Let’s sit on it.” and “That colonel sure seems like a friendly fellow.” they continually throw themselves at the window trying to reach they other bird/bush and a state that can only be described as Birdvana. To me it sounds like someone playing racquetball in my office, only with a freakin’ bird. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a pile of them under my window with broken necks. Wouldn’t that look great for me…

Manager - So...we need to talk.

Me - Is it about the birds?

Manager - Frankly? Yes. People are talking.

Me - Is it just because I lined them up on the window ledge, call them my babies and occasionally lick one?

Manager - You do that?!?

Me - (nervous laugh) Of course not. I kid. I kid. (muttering) My babies.

Bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk,



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