So you wanna be a tax superstar, and live large, a big house, 5 cars, you're in charge, comin' up in the world, don't trust no body gotta look over your shoulder constantly?

*Follow these friendly tips for successful tax preperation (best done in someone else's house):

(1) Organize all of your receipts into nice little piles, according to date, color or size. It doesn't really matter.

(2) Sharpen no less than 8 #2 pencils. Set these parallel to your receipt piles.

(3) Purchase a good calculator. Graphing is best, maybe a TI Voyage 200, or call NASA and see what they use. I called them last year and they said that they had to upgrade their system because it couldn't handle the tax calculations. (what the hell are teraFLOPs anyway?)

(4) Consume alcohol.

(5) Open tax booklet, fill in your name.

(6) More alcohol.

(7) Take a break, because you've already done enough today. Go to bed.

(8) Wake up, have a great breakfast, stare at tax booklet for 1-2 hours.

(9) Tentatively touch a pencil to the tax booklet.

(10) With confidence, cry.

(11) Read the first sentence of the tax booklet.

(12) Flip the table over in a violent rage.

(13) Break things. Go crazy.

(14) Calm down, gather up your receipts and forms, and go to HR Block.

(15) Flip over their table in a violent rage.

(16) Break things. Go crazy.

(17) Find a 10-year-old to do your taxes. Don't ask me why this works, it just does.

(18) Enjoy that fat refund my friend.

*For entertainment only. Like hookers.