SHORT PLAY 50
(In a television studio)
Tom Brokaw – Welcome everyone to the nightly news. And now for tonight’s top story. In a bold move, Harry Caray’s corpse climbed out of the grave this afternoon to declare the Cubs the 2008 World Series Champions. I had a chance to meet with Mr. Caray’s corpse and here is that interview:
(Outside a stadium)
Tom Brokaw – Hello Mr. Caray. You’ve caused quite a stir today…do you have anything to tell the folks at home?
Harry Caray – Bein’ dead sure is different!
Tom Brokaw – I would imagine.
Harry Caray – The first several years were pretty bad, but it got better after that. I wish I could have done this when I was alive.
Tom Brokaw – When you were al-? But Harry…Moving on - You say that the Cubs are going to be the 2008 World Series Champions. How do you justify this when they have already been eliminated from the series?
Harry Caray – You just gotta believe!
Tom Brokaw – Harry, just because you believe in something, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.
Harry Caray – That’s just not true. For example – I spent the entire summer of 1984 believing I was a major sports announcer.
Tom Brokaw – Harry…you were a major sports announcer in 1984.
Harry Caray – You’ve proven my point again! Don’t test me Tom.
Tom Brokaw – I can see this conversation slowly spiraling down bottomless pit of despair…What can you tell the folks at home about the afterlife?
Harry Caray – It’s a lot like living in a dark box in the ground. Only in this case there’s more worms than I’d normally care for. And three years ago I think a large June bug crawled into my ear.
Tom Brokaw – Fascinating. What can you tell us about the existence of God, Harry?
Harry Caray – That’s a great question! When I was alive I often wondered if there was a God, but I don’t anymore.
Tom Brokaw – So you’ve found the answer?
Harry Caray – No! I’m too busy worrying if that June bug is slowly eating my brain. I wonder if it thinks it’s made out of spareribs…
Tom Brokaw – (shaking his head) I need a stiff drink.
Harry Caray – Me too! Let’s go grab a tall, cool Budweiser. Cubs win! Cubs win!
Authors' note: I wrote this play around the middle of 2007. I have a giant notebook of all sorts of ramblings, plays, stories and cartoons that have built up over the years and I will delve into it often when looking for things to post. I actually had typed up the play in October of 2007. The Word document is dated Saturday, October 20, 2007. I dredged it back up because last Saturday night I saw a Saturday Night Live skit with a similar premise. It makes me proud that I had this idea a year and a half before SNL. Maybe I should write for them...
you liked this, then you're as messed up as I am.
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