Archive Page 040

Meet the Characters

RII 2006-03-04

Another week has passed. That must mean it’s cartoon time! There is one new cartoon, and two new plays lurking about. Great! Now that business has been taken care of, I can discuss more important matters. Like prehistoric beavers. Jurassic, to be exact. Scientists, Chinese scientists mind you, found a beaver-like creature with seal-like teeth, thought to have lived 164 million years ago in China. Or, more specifically, what would become China years later.

This is big news for…people. I’m not 100% which people, but I suspect that the scientists will use it as one more argument for evolution, and the church will find some argument for why it isn’t. Hamas will probably blow something up, and North Korea will keep on being North Korea. What I’m getting at, is that the status quo will remain as if nothing had ever happened. Discoveries like this don’t shatter perceptions and change the world. We need something big to unite us. Like cold fusion, or a cheeseburger tree. That would be something I could really get behind. A meat tree. Vegetarians would be happy, meat-atarians would be happy. Hamas would still be Hamas (“Blowing things up since 1987”. P.O. Box 17031, Rochester, New York,  14602).

Because I ran out of things to say, it must be time for a horoscope! If your birthday is this week, you are a kind and gentle person. People take advantage of you and whisper about you behind your back. You know what you have to do. http://www.glock.com

RII 2006-03-10

There's a new cartoon out there. Also a great new picture in the Artwork section, under the Hichhiker's heading. Otherwise, it's a really exciting week!

I got to go to a conference in Orlando, and stayed at Disney World (New motto: "We've got so much money, it's almost sad. And by sad, we mean we sometimes laugh so hard that we spit"). Nobody ever said it was a good motto. I happened to like the old one, "The most magical place on Earth", but I think that they were sued by Hogwart's and the whole system collapsed.

Anyway, I stayed at one of the Disney resorts, and partied with all the cool characters. You know...Steamboat Willy, Mulan, Pocahontas, and one of the jellyfish from "Finding Nemo". I didn't say I stayed at one of the best hotels. What I did do was as little as possible. In fact, other than the time I was actually at the conference, I tried to fall into as vegetative a state as possible. I do suggest you try it sometime, really I do. You'll know it's working because you'll start to drool all over yourself.

Unfortunately, now I'm back home, and a little bitter about it. I apologize in advance for whoever was born this week, because here is your horoscope: Get bent.

Next week, look for another quality cartoon, and if possible, a great play or two!