Godzilla       posted 11-28-2012
Miscellaneous       posted 11-28-2012

Archive Page 076

Meet the Characters

2012-11-28

On the Subject Of...Mustaches

<{> Does anyone remember when mustaches were a thing that you could grow because you were a cool, eclectic, slightly eccentric guy with a subtle air of mystery and what looked like a dead mouse pinched between your upper lip and nose?

I'll give you a hint, it wasn't too long ago and preceded the current period where a mustache is something men grow to show that they REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that people think that they are a a cool, eclectic, slightly eccentric guy with a subtle air of mystery and what looks like a dead mouse pinched between their upper lip and nose.

What's that, you may ask, are you trying to say that this mustache doesn't make me look cool? No - it makes Tom Selleck look cool. It makes Michael Jordan look cool. It made Dali look more than slightly eccentric. It makes Hulk Hogan look like a wrestler who could just as easily ride off on a Harley Davidson. It made Hitler look like the dick he was. It made Alex Trebek look like a game show host and they will always make cops and cowboys look like cops and cowboys.

No, many of you just look like you're trying to hard. If you ever said to yourself, "I'm going to grow a mustache to look hipster and/or unique" then you're just following a crowd of people who have been there and done that. Think Dali grew that mustache to jump on a mustache bandwagon? No. So unless you are going to take that mustache and OWN it, or unless you're just going to grow some overall facial hair because it suits you, or you're supporting a charitable cause, consider expressing your individuality another way. Because if I hear one more person say "Yeah, I'm growing this sweet 'stache to be ironic." I'm going to sneak into their house in the middle of the night, beat them with a dictionary (left open to the "I" section) and then shave half of their " 'stache" to help them really stand out as an idealist. </{>

Seriously, I mustache you to stop the nonsense,

RII

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